my pride

isaiah 25:11-12

Thrash away as they will, like swimmers trying to stay afloat, they’ll sink in the sewage. Their pride will pull them under. Their famous fortifications will crumble to nothing, those mighty walls reduced to dust.

sometimes, this is how i feel.  the whole first sentence. like it is taking everything i’ve got just to stay afloat.  just not to sink into the sewage.  and the thing that is causing me to sink, the thing that will pull me under is pride.  it’s so dangerous.  i’ve treated pride as if it’s not a good thing, but honestly, i’ve never felt like it would end me.  thank YOU for showing me that pride will do exactly that.  it will end me.  search my heart and find anywhere that i take credit, that i boast or revel in praise.  it’s not mine.  it’s YOURS.  nothing good will come of it for me.  the feel good moments are fake and fleeting, and they can’t compare with YOU.

my ears

isaiah 24:14-16

But there are some who will break into glad song. Out of the west they’ll shout of God’s majesty. Yes, from the east God’s glory will ascend. Every island of the sea will broadcast God’s fame, the fame of the God of Israel. From the four winds and the seven seas we hear the singing: “All praise to the Righteous One!”

my ears can’t hear it, but my heart can.  i long to hear everything coming together to sing these words.  there is something about singing, especially when there are a lot of voices together, and i can barely imagine what it will be like for the humans to sing with the angels, and the oceans to sing with the winds, and all of it is to glorify YOU.  but i want to hear that sound.  i don’t think there could be anything as compelling as being a part of that choir.  what am i doing today that points everyone to YOU?  allow me to recognize when i am the one that is stopping it, let me lay myself down, and redeem my motives, change my heart, that i might worship YOU with every part of my being and actions.  all praise to the RIGHTEOUS ONE!

my plans

isaiah 22:8-11

God has left Judah exposed and defenseless. You assessed your defenses that Day, inspected your arsenal of weapons in the Forest Armory. You found the weak places in the city walls that needed repair. You secured the water supply at the Lower Pool. You took an inventory of the houses in Jerusalem and tore down some to get bricks to fortify the city wall. You built a large cistern to ensure plenty of water. You looked and looked and looked, but you never looked to him who gave you this city, never once consulted the One who has long had plans for this city.

this is it.  i can identify needs left and right.  up and down.  needs.  needs.  needs.  and some of them i can muster up the strength to meet.  and for some of the needs i can rally enough troops to get the job done.  but that isn’t what GOD wants.  at least look to HIM.  is it that difficult.  HE has plans for this city.  if you don’t know where i live, oroville is a sad, sad city.  hopeless, some might say.  and no matter how hard i, or any group of people try, it’s not going to get better.  the same is true of my own life.  there are parts that are sad and hopeless.  and GOD has a plan.  has long had plans for it.

today, i consult YOU.  what do YOU want me to do personally and professionally?  how do YOU want me to act?  if YOU have a plan for my attitude, that’s what i am going with.  my plans just don’t work out.

a memory

isaiah 18:4

For here’s what God told me: “I’m not going to say anything, but simply look on from where I live, Quiet as warmth that comes from the sun, silent as dew during harvest.”

this reminds me of a worship gathering i was at a few weeks ago.  maybe it was a couple months.  anyway, i was on my face and there was this sense of impending doom.  there had been at last four or five really intense worship experiences prior to that one, and i couldn’t have put these words to it at the time, but these definitely describe my feeling at that moment.  it was as if HE was asking me if the emotions were gone, if it wasn’t intense, if everything felt a little forced, if i couldn’t feel HIM, would i still worship him? if HE was quiet as warmth, would i still follow HIM?  if HE was silent as dew, would i still give my life to bring glory to a GOD that isn’t saying anything, just looking on?  the answer is yes.  i would still have no other reason to live.

my heart today

isaiah 12:1-2

And you will say in that day, “I thank you, God. You were angry but your anger wasn’t forever. You withdrew your anger and moved in and comforted me. Yes, indeed—God is my salvation. I trust, I won’t be afraid. God—yes God!—is my strength and song, best of all, my salvation!”

i trust, i won’t be afraid. GOD – yes GOD! – is my strength and song, best of all, my salvation!  write that on my heart today.  let me bask in YOUR strength.  let me sing YOUR song, and let me trust in YOUR salvation, rather than trying to work for some religious goal.  i don’t care about feeling good about myself.  i trust YOU.  i won’t be afraid.

i am a tool.

isaiah 10:15

Does an ax take over from the one who swings it? Does a saw act more important than the sawyer? As if a shovel did its shoveling by using a ditch digger! As if a hammer used the carpenter to pound nails!

i am a tool.  don’t let me forget it.  i am a tool.  i bring nothing to YOU that YOU haven’t given me.  i am YOURS to use, and i don’t get to give YOU input on whether or not i am comfortable with the way YOU use me.  and it’s ok.  because i trust YOU, and if there is anything that i feel like i know better than YOU, i surrender it.  i am YOURS.  i am YOUR tool.

my wholeness

isaiah 9:6-7

For a child has been born—for us!  the gift of a son—for us! He’ll take over the running of the world. His names will be: Amazing Counselor, Strong God, Eternal Father, Prince of Wholeness. His ruling authority will grow, and there’ll be no limits to the wholeness he brings.

i always thought that there weren’t gradations of wholeness.  like either it is whole, or it isn’t.  like there is a limit.  like once something seems whole, that is it.  but YOU aren’t contained by my thoughts.  my imagination can’t contain what YOU are capable of.  for YOU there are no limits to wholeness.  and YOU bring it.

i need it.  i need wholeness.  i guess it makes sense because at times i feel whole, but YOU have more for me.  bring it.  bring it on.

my recovery

revelation 2:2-7

“I see what you’ve done, your hard, hard work, your refusal to quit. I know you can’t stomach evil, that you weed out apostolic pretenders. I know your persistence, your courage in my cause, that you never wear out. But you walked away from your first love—why? What’s going on with you, anyway? Do you have any idea how far you’ve fallen? A Lucifer fall! Turn back! Recover your dear early love. No time to waste, for I’m well on my way to removing your light from the golden circle. You do have this to your credit: You hate the Nicolaitan business. I hate it, too. Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. I’m about to call each conqueror to dinner. I’m spreading a banquet of Tree-of-Life fruit, a supper plucked from God’s orchard.”

i am letting these questions roll around in my head today: why? what’s going on with you, anyway? do you have any idea how far you’ve fallen? are your ears awake?

i need recovery. i feel like i need to love the church. the church has a husband, and HIS name is JESUS.  the church doesn’t need a lover.  JESUS wants me to love HIM, and i have a tendency to love the church instead. the church is never going to speak to me. are my ears awake to the sounds the church is making, or the WIND WORDS? are my ears awake?

my hypocrisies

isaiah 7:13

It’s bad enough that you make people tired with your pious, timid hypocrisies, but now you’re making God tired.

pious means sincere but unlikely to be fulfilled.  timid means showing a lack of courage or confidence.  i wonder how many people i have made tired with these hypocrisies.  how often i say things that are sincere, but everyone thinks to themselves, ‘it’s never going to happen.’  how often i approach a situation and know in the back of my mind (and in the front of everyone else’s minds) that i am lacking courage and confidence.  how exhausting is that?  how much more does GOD have for me?  how often is HE saying ‘you said you’d trust ME, and I said I was strong in your weaknesses, but you back down before you ever make a move.’  be with me today.  change my heart and my attitude.  search my heart and point out to me my pious, timid hypocricies, and give me the strength i need to be done with them, to trust YOU and YOUR word.

my facedown

isaiah 2:6-9

God, you’ve walked out on your family Jacob because their world is full of hokey religion, Philistine witchcraft, and pagan hocus-pocus, a world rolling in wealth, stuffed with things, no end to its machines and gadgets, and gods – gods of all sorts and sizes.  These people make their own gods and worship what they make.  A degenerate race, facedown in the gutter.  Don’t bother with them! They’re not worth forgiving!

how often have i thought of my own religion as hokey? i live in and love the world of wealth that i occupy.  i love things.  there is no end to our machines and gadgets.  how do i live here and not idolize things?  how do i get over the wealth that we are rolling in?   how do i stop worshiping the things i have made?  do i actually feel like i am a degenerate race, that i am facedown in the gutter?

YOU. the only answer can be YOU.  i believe that YOU have moved into the neighborhood.  that YOU have invaded my life.  that YOUR kingdom is here.  that YOU have not left me to my own hands, my own works, my own demise.  YOU have saved me, YOU are saving me, and YOU are alive in me.  YOUR spirit lives in me and there is nothing, nothing, nothing, no thing that matters in comparison to that.

give me focus today.  open up my eyes to the things unseen.

“i will see GOD wring glory from my life some where, some way, some how.”  -Steven Furtick