You hold my world in your hands is the scariest sentence. Jesus, you are all I need is a beautiful lyric and a harsh reality. Jesus is all we need. If that is true, then there are some logical conclusions. I don’t need my job. I don’t need my savings. I don’t need my wife. I don’t need my health. I don’t need my children. I don’t need my doctor. I don’t need my parents. I don’t need my sister. I don’t need my brother. I don’t need my abilities. I don’t need my talents. I don’t need my stuff. I don’t need my house. I don’t need my car. I don’t need my friendships. I don’t need my retirement fund. I don’t need my phone. I don’t need my photos. I don’t need my education. I don’t need my experiences. I don’t need my ministry. I don’t need my music. I don’t need my life to matter. I don’t need my life. Fill in
the blank. I don’t need my _____________.

But if it is true, that Jesus is all we need.
If that resonates.
If that takes root.
If that reorients us.
If that redefines us.
If that takes over, then we are liberated.
We are freed.

When every need is taken care of, sufficed, and fulfilled, we are able to enjoy everything else.

Matt 1:21 She will bring a son to birth, and when she does, you, Joseph, will name him Jesus—’God saves’—because he will save his people from their sins.”

i am not currently in a state of brokenness.  but lately, all my thoughts toward GOG, and in general, have been dwelling on the heaviness of the broken world we live in.  i’m reading a russian novel called ­crime and punishment, and the author, after having his life spared at the last minute before a firing squad, and then spending years in a siberian labor camp, is definitely one who believes that life is hard, and that GOD is the only essence of good. i’d have to agree.

the prof from this lit class talked about how some people believe that all things happen for a reason, and how he once was asked to speak in chapel on the same day as someone else, and they both independently chose to talk about “his eyes are on the sparrow.”  the man before him preached about how GOD cares for us, and takes care of us like the sparrows of the air, and that when things seem out of the ordinary, it’s because we’re no longer flying in the sky, it’s because GOD is holding us in his arms.  it had a nice fuzzy ending.

then my prof apparently got up to speak, on what technically was the same subject, but he went a different direction.  he talked about how we are like the sparrows of the air, but life in this world is like his cat, “killer.”  killer brings a dead sparrow to the front door almost every day. and apparently that sparrow was not “safe” in the arms of GOD. we are as sparrows in a world of cats. we are GOD’s beloved in a world of sin and sorrow. HE is our only chance to find healing and goodness. i cannot believe that he inflicts death and suffering upon the world in order for a greater purpose. but I do believe he offers a greater purpose, a chance at healing, bringing glory to HIMSELF, when he steps in and is the remedy to our sinful disease.

i can feel my heart on the brink of wreckage. i feel myself coming undone every time someone talks about this GOD. because i know that i’ve been broken.  i’ve been a sparrow who has been caught by a cat and crushed. and HE has lifted me out of those jaws of defeat and set me free.  my chest becomes heavy, and my tears begin to well up when i think of how much this GOD loves us… when i think of what HE has done for us. and when i think of what HE can do for the world through us.

closing thought: last week an award-winning photojournalist came to our campus and set up a photo exhibition of his work in north east africa and the middle east. the picture below was presented, and the tag next to it talked about the realities of the war going on in Somalia and how so many somalian refugees are now displaced in yemen and elsewhere.

the tag ended with these words: “the war in somalia has been going since 1992 so i asked hassan why she decided to leave now, as opposed to a year ago or two years ago – what was the catalyst i wondered. she told me that the final straw was, “when they came into my house and cut out my sister’s eyes and then cut off her head…. when i saw this, i could no longer stay.”

this brokenness pervades the world, and leaves nowhere completely untouched. but GOD is willing to step into the brokenness. and i believe HE calls us to do the same, to embody a remedy of compassion, hope, and healing which HE is the source of. are you being the remedy? are you willing to suffer with those who suffer? am i? those are the questions we must ask. and our response must be our answer.

This is why we’ve thrown ourselves into this venture so totally. We’re banking on the living God, Savior of all men and women, especially believers. Get the word out. Teach all these things. And don’t let anyone put you down because you’re young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity.

i love to teach.  i do.  i love it when i can see others get it.  i love to see the lights come on.  but i usually teach with words.  sometimes i teach with a whiteboard.  this has so challenged me that i can hardly go forward.  i read this abut 2 weeks ago and as i walk into work, or back into my house, or into a store, i think about my demeanor.  i thought about it yesterday when another driver was not happy with me at a 4way stop, and i stared her down and said wow as long and drawn out as i could.  i thought about if there had been another believer in the car, would i have been teaching them with my demeanor?

one of the conclusions i have come to is that we are teachers.  we are constantly teaching each other what is ok and what is not ok.  we are teaching each other what it means to follow HIM.  and if our demeanor, or our words, or our faith, or our integrity, or our love is not getting the word out, then i wonder if we have thrown ourselves into this venture so totally.  i wonder if i am banking on the living GOD, the SAVIOR of all men and women, especially believers.

“When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left. “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation.
And here’s why:
I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.’ “Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’ “Then he will turn to the ‘goats,’ the ones on his left, and say, ‘Get out, worthless goats! You’re good for nothing but the fires of hell.

“Master, what are you talking about?”  i’ve heard people say that when they serve the needy, they see JESUS.  but this is pretty clear.  the people didn’t even realize it was HIM they were helping, visiting, comforting.  the overlooked in my life, the ignored.  only one name comes to mind.  lewis evans.  he was one of my bet friends in middle school.  i don’t know a lot about what he has gone through, but I do know he has gone through a lot.  so when I read it, the last line, all I could think about was him in prison and me (not) visiting him.  he’s out now, but that’s still what i thought about.  being overlooked or ignored is like living under an umbrella of hopelessness.  it’s like you see everyone else getting to feel the rain, and you’re stuck, the same as you’ve always been.  it’s just like JESUS.  HE did so much for people, and they act like it was inconsequential to them.  they ignore him.  they overlook him.

how do YOU exist in the ignored and overlooked?  what’s it going to take to get me to see what YOU would do?

“serve.  you probably won’t ever realize that it is for me while you’re here.  but just do it.”

thank you.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

i have been reading and reading and rereading and processing this psalm for 3 mornings now.  i noticed during the first morning that it starts off in verse one with “o LORD, YOU have searched me and YOU know me.”  and then the psalm ends with david telling GOD to search him and know his heart.  but HE already did.  22 verses ago.  but 22 verses is a long time.  22 breaths is a long time.  sometimes i go 22 days without YOU searching me.

it’s really hard to wrap my head around telling YOU to know my heart.  me tell YOU to know me?  YOU know everything.  YOU made me.  YOU number my days.  YOU keep me breathing.  YOU sustain me.  YOU provide for me in ways that i’ve never known or noticed.

me tell YOU to know me?  to know my heart?

i don’t want to get strip searched.  metaphorically or literally.  i really don’t.  regarding the literal, it’s just embarrassing.  regarding the metaphorical, it’s scary.  it’s like there is stuff that i know is still in there.  hated.  pride.  lust.  discontent.  malcontent.  bitterness.  stuff i haven’t dusted off for years, if not decades.  giving YOU permission to search me and know my heart is like willingly telling you to strip search me because i’ve been hiding crap that i can’t remember where i got it or when i hid it.  YOU already know it all, but i don’t.  i’m holding onto things that hold me back from following YOU.

but in order to get to the end of that verse, the goal in all of this, the end that i am giving my life for is that YOU would lead me in the way everlasting.  i want to be a follower.  but the ability to be a follower requires getting strip searched.

i am reminded of my vision problem.  YOU have given me 20/20 vision in my eyes, and my heart can barely see what YOU are capable of.  i have this world that i live in.  it was made for me by my parents, and then my teachers, and then my friends.  i let them bend the world around me, to make sense of what i saw with words that worked just well enough to let me move on and forget it.  my world is not real.  it isn’t YOUR real.  it isn’t THE real.

i’ve never been to africa.  my friend jon is in uganda right now.  my cousin went there, and it changed her.  shawn went, and he could barely put into words what he saw.  and my grandparents have been there.  they gave years of their lives to helping people there.  joanna went, and it continues to shape her life.

i have a mortgage.  i have a car payment and a good job.  and a coffee habit.  and 2 computers and a cell phone and an electric bill.  i’ve got a/c.  i’ve got amex, mc, and visa.  i’ve got 2 guitars and barely enough talent to warrant owning one.  i’ve got books.  like, a lot of books.  i have 2 nintendo 64 consoles and 2 tvs.  i have 4 pairs of jeans, 10 pairs of shoes and at least 2 dozen t-shirts.  i’ve got my own energy efficient washer and dryer.

and when i watch this video, which should be uplifting.  it should be like, “praise YOUR name.  YOU are doing a great work in these kids and in these leaders and in these villages.”  but instead, i watch this video, and i have knots.  my stomach is in knots.  because i know that YOU have what is real and i settle for my real world.

i want more than just ok.

More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.  -Switchfoot

Dear, dear Corinthians, I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn’t fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way. I’m speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!

ok. i’ve got fences. i’m sure we all do, but that’s no excuse. the truth is that i’ve got lists of all the things that YOU can’t do, and i ignore the fact that YOU say that all things are possible with YOU. it’s like i took YOUR statement and decided that YOU were lying to make YOUR self look better. i am so so so so wrong.

i was listening to a song on saturday that i haven’t heard since high school. there’s this one part in it where joe from the insyderz says freedom comes from faith in what you believe. so i’ve heard that at least a hundred times, but it didn’t really sink in until i read this plea from paul to the church in corinth to be free.  it’s like i’ve believed these things, and some of them are wrong, but even the ones that are true.  like on some level i believe that YOU can do all things.  i just don’t have faith that YOU’RE going to.  i’m not free.  i’m fenced.  i don’t just want to have faith that YOU saved me.  i want to have faith that YOU are saving me.  that YOU are still alive.  that YOU are able.

what is life like without fences?

freedom comes from faith in what i believe.

In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade. Through us, he brings knowledge of Christ. Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation—an aroma redolent with life. But those on the way to destruction treat us more like the stench from a rotting corpse.

i live on the sidelines, in my pop-out chair on the sidewalk with an average size gutter separating me from what is happening in life. what kind of parade is this? this parade that i watch so diligently and applaud as it passes me by? this is a victory parade. this is a perpetual victory parade. i sit and watch and breathe it in. i breathe in deep and fill my lungs with the exquisite fragrance. i recognize it. i spectate it.

But i don’t dance. i don’t know the parade route. i have 42 excuses to not be a part of the parade. beyond formal engagements, it is difficult to get out of the chair. i got the shady spot on the sidewalk and it’s easier to watch it. celebrate the victory with a gutter separating me from participation.

but it’s draining to just sit there. i want to be in it. i want to be caught up in it. from place to place. the perpetual victory parade. i need it. i know i do. i can feel it pumping through my veins. i can feel it screaming in my chest. i can feel it in my elbows.

i rest in this: that YOU bring the knowledge of CHRIST. it is through me. through us. but it is YOU that is bringing it. i just have to get in the parade. i just have to dance. get caught up in the perpetual victory parade.

i just about plowed through 1 corinthians in my last 4 or 5 quiet times. there was a ton of good stuff, but this verse stuck out to me. it’s something to live by. it’s to the point. if i could do all 5 of these things for one whole day, i think that would be a pretty good day.

keep your eyes open.

hold tight to your convictions.

give it all you’ve got.

be resolute.

love without stopping.

please give me the mind to remember these things and the strength to do them.

“You have minds like a snake pit! How do you suppose what you say is worth anything when you are so foul-minded? It’s your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.”

my words. oh man. that cuts to the heart quickly. i thought i could be saved by praying a prayer.  oh wait.  YOU never said that.  so my words matter?  not even my intent, or what i want to tell myself my intent was?  my heart, not the dictionary gives meaning to my words.  so if i substitute a more offensive word for one that is less offensive, but my intent is still to offend, then that’s not ok?  i mean, i know it’s not ok, but that’s how i was raised.  i need YOU to renew my mind on this one.  i am the complaining, critical, gossip.  i am more careless with my words than my wit, and that has too change.

honestly, the hardest thing to say right now is this (i know it’s stupid and it shouldn’t be, but if i’m honest, when everyday normal interactions occur, this is what i need to admit):  i want to be like YOU more than i want people to think i am funny.