i am reminded of my vision problem.  YOU have given me 20/20 vision in my eyes, and my heart can barely see what YOU are capable of.  i have this world that i live in.  it was made for me by my parents, and then my teachers, and then my friends.  i let them bend the world around me, to make sense of what i saw with words that worked just well enough to let me move on and forget it.  my world is not real.  it isn’t YOUR real.  it isn’t THE real.

i’ve never been to africa.  my friend jon is in uganda right now.  my cousin went there, and it changed her.  shawn went, and he could barely put into words what he saw.  and my grandparents have been there.  they gave years of their lives to helping people there.  joanna went, and it continues to shape her life.

i have a mortgage.  i have a car payment and a good job.  and a coffee habit.  and 2 computers and a cell phone and an electric bill.  i’ve got a/c.  i’ve got amex, mc, and visa.  i’ve got 2 guitars and barely enough talent to warrant owning one.  i’ve got books.  like, a lot of books.  i have 2 nintendo 64 consoles and 2 tvs.  i have 4 pairs of jeans, 10 pairs of shoes and at least 2 dozen t-shirts.  i’ve got my own energy efficient washer and dryer.

and when i watch this video, which should be uplifting.  it should be like, “praise YOUR name.  YOU are doing a great work in these kids and in these leaders and in these villages.”  but instead, i watch this video, and i have knots.  my stomach is in knots.  because i know that YOU have what is real and i settle for my real world.

i want more than just ok.

More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.  -Switchfoot